GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION, HOW YOUR ASSOCIATIONS CAN AFFECT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

Article by Mulenga L Nkole

As creatures of association, we place great value on the relationships we have. In every sphere of our lives, we associate with different people. And their bearings on our characters are easy to identify. That is why we are encouraged to be diligent when deciding on who we associate ourselves with. However, this piece of advice is frequently overlooked. The urge to be popular or relevant usually takes precedence.

In choosing who we call our friends, it is important to take an honest look at ourselves. It is from the results of candid self-reflection that we begin to understand who we are and the things that make us tick.

What will we find when we look within? The values that we uphold as individuals, the dreams we have for ourselves and those around us, the things we love that fill our hearts with joy, the beliefs that guide our convictions; the sum of all these and more is what makes up our personalities. Discovering this is the first step towards finding our tribe.

Finding our tribe is important. Our personalities are not one-size-fits-all. Like seeking out a pair of dress shoes, we need to find the perfect fit or endure the pain of an ill-fitting shoe. The pain of a troubled mind is the result of associating with the wrong crowd.

In the light of our dreams, values, and beliefs, indulging in activities that are in contrast with who we have thrust us into a position of self-torment. We cannot bear to witness ourselves participate in activities that go against our values. The space in which we find ourselves is alien to our true nature; we essentially force ourselves to be people we’re not. The toll this has on our minds results in us being burned out by the time we have time to ourselves. We realize that our choice of association is causing us much trouble.

Quoting the words of Mitch Hedberg, “If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association”. This guilt is the collection of what remains after we have acknowledged the depths of our actions and how they are parallel to the character we know ourselves to be. Eventually, it becomes a yoke around our necks, a burden on the mind that draws us to our lowest points. We barely recognize ourselves.

What then is the way forward? How do we unshackle ourselves from the bounds of the harmful company? We get back to the blueprint. The initial design of our character. We begin to feed our individualism with as much affirmation as possible. It is only when we reaffirm our magic that we begin to appreciate the beauty we possess.

A person’s individualism is important. it’s their fingerprint, their unique character mix; it’s what sets us apart from one another while emphasizing our beauty. It is on this premise that our spirit becomes eased of its burden as it pursues a meaningful dream.

We must not get lost in the pursuit of external approval. The people we seek to please by forgoing our internal conviction do not have an ounce of appreciation for who they are. We stand to lose so much if we subscribe to the lifestyle of the “cool kids”. Look around and you’ll realize that the cool kids of today are those who have decided to live their weirdness to the loudest and fullest extent. They do not worry about fashion; music or style trends are popular; they have no desire for the approval of the crowd.

In a society where it’s easy to fall prey to peer pressure, it would help young ones to instill in them a strong self-belief. To learn to stand alone for themselves even if it means losing out on popularity. The most important thing to consider is they do not lose sight of who they are. It will be in their best interest if they are taught to love and appreciate who they are from a young age. Not needing the approval of the world for them to feel validated. They are enough as they are and if they intend to make better of themselves, it should be on their terms and at their own pace.

The health of our minds has a distinct bearing on the quality of our lives. If you are wondering what your quality of life is, consider the times when you are alone with your mind. What thoughts materialize the most and what mood do they leave you in?